pregnant woman
There’s no “right time” to have a baby — but there are simple steps you can take to stay happy and healthy at every age and make the most of motherhood.
20s
YOUR BODY NOW: “Physically, the 20s are ideal for pregnancy,” says Peter Bernstein, M.D., an ob/gyn at Montefiore Medical Center, in New York City. You’re at the lowest risk for gestational diabetes, chronic hypertension, pre-eclampsia or having a baby with spina bifida. And at 25, you’re risk of having a baby with Down Syndrome is also low – one in 1,250. (At 35, it’s one in 378.) You’re also less likely to have a C-section. “When a woman is in her 20s, doctors tend to be more patient with a vaginal delivery,” says Dr. Bernstein. Once your baby is born, caring for her may not be as taxing as it might be for an older mom.
YOUR MIND NOW: If few of your pals have kids, “Get emotional support from other moms-to-be,” says Shellie Fidell, a psychotherapist in private practice, in Chesterfield, Missouri. Connecting with other moms online is a great way to get parenting tips and feel part of a like-minded community. You can also join a local moms club or group to find support and friendship. If you’re newly married, get a babysitter occasionally so you can forge an identity as a couple.
Modern Mom – Monika Bogumil, 23“My husband Marcin, and I have been married for two years, and we thought we’d hold off on getting pregnant because we’re both still in school — I’m studying to be a labor and delivery nurse. But we finally decided we couldn’t wait. My mother was 20 years old when she had me, and I love how close we are. She really understood me growing up because she was such a young mom, and I want to have the same kind of relationship with my child. I’ve had a healthy pregnancy so far, although my whole body’s gotten more swollen than I expected.”
30s
YOUR BODY NOW: Although many healthy women have uneventful pregnancies at this age, the risk of gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia is higher now. “By age 35, the risk of chromosomal abnormalities in general is about 1 in 200, which is roughly the same risk as having a miscarriage from an amniocentesis,” says Lorraine Chrisomalis-Valsiadis, M.D., maternal fetal medicine specialist at Columbia-Presbyterian Eastside, in New York City.
YOUR MIND NOW: Since you’ve had time for yourself and accomplished some professional goals, you may be psychologically ready for motherhood. You’re also likely to know other pregnant women, so finding a support system shouldn’t be a problem. Your marriage is probably on solid footing since you’re older and more confident in yourself and in your relationship, points out Margaret Howard, Ph.D., director of postpartum disorders at Women and Infants Hospital of Rhode Island.
Modern Mom – Andrea Pietronuto, 34“I’ve been married for four years, but I wanted to delay pregnancy so that I could focus on my career. Then one of my cousins, who was just 36 and had two children, died suddenly, and that spurred me on to have a baby because it made me realize how short life can be. Now my husband, Richard, and I both feel ready to take that next step. I’ve always been very active, and I’ve continued to work out during my pregnancy, which gives me tons of energy. I even take kickboxing classes (though I’ve had to modify some of the moves!).”
40s
YOUR BODY NOW: Pregnancy is riskier. At 40, your chance of having a baby with Down Syndrome is 1 in 106. If you’re having multiples, there’s an increased chance of delivering preterm or low-birth-weight babies. The good news? If you’re physically fit, eat well, and don’t have preexisting health conditions such as diabetes or hypertension, your overall risk of other pregnancy complications isn’t markedly higher than someone in her 20s or 30s, says Dr. Bernstein.
YOUR MIND NOW: The self-confidence and perspective you have by now may make you more patient with a demanding newborn. However, you may expect more of yourself since you’ve waited so long and perhaps invested so much to get pregnant. Don’t feel guilty for going back to work or missing your old, pre-baby life. Remind yourself, “Your baby doesn’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to be the perfect mother,” says Dr. Howard. If you don’t have many friends with small children, make friends with younger moms. “Motherhood is the great unifier,” Dr. Howard says. “When you’re with your baby in the park, age issues sort of melt away because babies are the focus.”
Modern Mom – Amy Scherber, 44“I spent most of my 30s getting a successful business off the ground and traveling. I didn’t get married until I was 42. I guess I always thought I’d have a baby someday, but I never worried about it. When we found out I was pregnant, my husband, Troy, and I were thrilled. I think my parents were even more excited, since they had pretty much given up on me! At my age, I think I have lots of wisdom and stability to offer my baby, so for me it’s the perfect time to become a mom. I feel really good, and my doctor says the baby is doing great.”
Sandra Gordon is a freelance writer and frequent contributor to Genesee Valley Parent Magazine.
