The national and local news have been filled with stories about alleged child abuse, sometimes involving famous people or those in high profile positions. This is surprising to many people because they are under the false impression that such crimes against children and young people happen "somewhere else" or they are not committed by seemingly caring adults in leadership positions who have "everything going for them." The public's perception does not match the facts. According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one of every four girls and one of every six boys is sexually abused before turning 18 years old. Shocking as this statistic is, it is time to look beyond the numbers and take an active role as an adult in preventing child abuse before it starts and reporting abuse when it is suspected.
Prevention is Key to Protection
Sexual and physical child abuse have always been taboo subjects which have been either swept under the rug or completely ignored, leaving victims suffering for far too long in shame and silence. Although recent events in the news are sad for everyone concerned, they have opened up a public dialogue on abuse crimes that law enforcement and medical and mental health partners a rare opportunity to get their message out.
According to Mary Whittier, Executive Director of Bivona Child Advocacy Center in Rochester, prevention is the key to stopping abuse before it starts. "As a parent, you take responsibility for everything in your child's life. You take preventative action, like putting your child in a car seat so they will be safe in case of an accident," says Whittier. "This is no different. It is up to you – the adult – to be proactive and take preventative steps to safeguard your child."
Professionals in the field of child abuse offer these tips for every parent and adult:
1. Information is a key weapon in the fight against child abuse. Educate yourself about the dangers and warning signs of child abuse and talk to your kids about how to protect themselves. Although it is an uncomfortable subject to talk about, the ramifications of not talking about it are far worse.
2. Open the lines of communication and let everyone in the family know that it is okay to ask questions. Parents and adults should set the tone for the family by talking about the range of healthy sexual behaviors in an age appropriate way. Use the proper names for body parts and talk about what to do if someone – even someone you love and respect – tries to touch them in a sexual way.
3. Set physical and behavioral boundaries, even within the family. If a child is not comfortable being physically touched – such as wanting to hug or kiss someone hello or goodbye – let them know that's okay and they can shake hands instead.
4. Create a safety net by never letting your kids – or any child – be isolated. Identify one or more support people for every member of your family, beginning with you. Be a safe resource who is always available to listen. This will require being "present" as much as possible in a consistent way.
5. Never assume that someone who is close to you isn't hurting your child.One of the saddest facts about child abuse is that the vast majority of child abusers are someone the child knows. Difficult as this is to believe, it should make you vigilant but not paranoid. If someone is "too good to be true," whether a family member or a friend, they may not be a safe person for your child to be around. Love your child unconditionally, but don't trust others unconditionally.
If You Have Concerns, Speak Up
As adults, we are often encouraged to mind our own business when it comes to the behavior of other adults as long as it doesn't interfere with our lives. While that may be true in some incidences, it is not the case when talking about suspected physical, sexual, or emotional abuse of a child. If you feel that something "just doesn't seem or look right," trust your own instincts and make a call to seek additional help and guidance.
According to Whittier, "Adults often think that they need 'proof' of the suspected abuse, but they don't. All they need is suspicion or gut instinct. We get those calls all the time, and we tell people that it is better to be safe than sorry so we're glad that they call." Trained staff at Bivona Child Advocacy Center can also help educate you about behaviors that might be warning signs. They range from the more obvious to things that you might not consider. Ask yourself, “Are these things that the suspected person does?”
* Refuses to let a child set any of his or her own limits.
* Insists on hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child even when the child does not want affection.
* Is overly interested in the sexuality of a particular child or teen. For example, does the person talk repeatedly about the child's developing body or interferes with normal teen dating.
* Manages to get time alone or insists on time alone with a child with no interruptions.
* Regularly offers to babysit many different children for free or takes children on overnight outings alone.
* Buys children expensive gifts or gives them money for no apparent reason.
April is National Child Abuse Awareness Month. Take this opportunity to be more aware and educate yourself about the dangers of child abuse. "This is a significant problem but you are part of the solution," says Mary Whittier. "Accepting the prevalence of child abuse is the first step; then you must be alert and don't be afraid to act."
Karen Higman is a contributing writer to Rochester Area & RocParent. She is a fund-raising consultant for non-profit organizations who lives in the Rochester, NY area.
7 Steps to Protect Kids
7 STEPS TO PROTECTING OUR KIDS FROM SEXUAL ABUSE1. Learn the facts.2. Minimize opportunity3. Talk about it4. Stay alert5. Make a plan6. Act on suspicions7. Get involved
Bivona Child Advocacy
Bivona Child Advocacy Center in Rochester has evaluated more than 6,000 children since opening its doors in 2004. Last year alone, Bivona evaluated more than 1,500 children and provided more than 3,800 services to these kids and their families. The agency provides a unique environment where even the youngest victims can be evaluated, examined, interviewed, and receive services all under one roof. The child advocacy center model eliminates duplicate interviews and examinations and the need to travel to multiple locations which risk re-traumatizing the victim. This is accomplished through formal partnerships with all local and county law enforcement agencies as well as Monroe County Child Protective Services, the Monroe County District Attorney's Office, and various medical facilities that care for children in our community. For more information visit http://bivonacac.org
To report suspected abuse in Monroe County: 585-461-5690
Outside of Monroe County: 1-800-342-3720 24 hours a day/365 days a year.
